Reality Check

I am a reality show addict that I must admit. Yes, I know not everything is real. I am not living in a delusional world, unlike a lot of these so called stars. The only reason that you are casted into these shows is because of your personality, your outrageous views, your promiscuousness, or because you are good at criticizing. Unless you are the judge and distinguished in your area of expertise, you are pretty much an average person with a gimmick. The sad part is when a lot of you begin to think that this can be a launching pad for your musical career. If you were that talented, then why were you not discovered before? Here are some of the worst reality TV stars turned singers (all are not from talent competitions):

Paris Hilton

Reality personality and creator of “That’s Hot”, Paris Hilton attempted to take her brand to the next level by attempting a singing career. She was semi-successful since she is one of the few who actually got radio time. Her song was played more than once unlike the rest of these monstrosities to come. She should stick to reality entertainment and maybe her fragrance line. It is not completely bad, but if you cannot sing you have to be a performer, which I doubt she is.

 

That’s lukewarm…. at most…

Kim Zolziack

Known for her fake hair, fake cancer, and crazy antics on RHOA this mother of 3 gave a shot at a music career. Her wig cap must have been really tight around her head if she thought she sounded amazing. I think we should let your wig cap off for a while and let your brain level off so it can hear your mediocre tune.

Tardy? With music like this no one will be in attendance!

Melissa Gorga

Devoted Christian, devoted mother, and devoted wife, but one thing she cannot add to her resume is amazing performer. Yes, this RHONJ cast member can sing to an average level, but unless you can sing like Susan Boyle, your entertainment days are long gone. Britney Spears and other artists in their prime could get away with below par singing because they could put on a show and not look desperate.

seems like we didn’t have to wait that long to watch you fall…

Angelina, from Jersey Shore

Downright bitch and bat shit crazy, Angelina brought the right kind of angst and drama to the Jersey Shore and acted as the villain in the first 2 seasons. She used this infamy that she gained to sing a song that could probably be best described as a jersey sewer rat musical.

the only thing that’s hot is the fever you are running thinking this is good

Mike, the Situation

 The situation, more like patient zero in some kind of new venereal disease, attempted to break his GTL by adding singing to his unimpressive resume. Let’s just say this self-titled song will leave the audience wanting less, and let’s face it he doesn’t have a lot going for him.

Popeye,  please leave the singing/rapping to real artists

Kim Kardashian

Claiming not to be after the fame and money, the 72-day divorcee attempted to create a song. The song was being horrid and wretched that I am in shocked she allowed its release. She at least did something right by donating the proceeds to charity, but this wanna be club anthem brings nothing to be desired. I am not expecting game changing music, but at least make it mediocre enough to be listened to and catchy enough to be repeated (aka any POP song). Once again, Kim Kardashian proved that she has absolutely no talent whatsoever.

Talking, the new singing

For those who enjoy kim being a slut enjoy…just mute!

Heidi Montag

The Hills are not alive with the sound of Heidi Montag’s music. Before her metamorphosis into a human, plastic and silicone hybrid, Heidi attempted to hash out a singing career and cash in. The singing is generic to the point that you could say any blonde bimbo on the street recorded this.   

Does she come with replaceable parts?

Tyra Banks

Model extraordinaire, millionaire mogul, reality judge, author, and day time host. A very impressive resume to say the least, but she likes to mention all of her struggles with weight and overcoming adversity, but she conveniently her singing career. Why you may ask? The answer is simple….she cannot really sing or dance. Stick to SMIZING and you should be fine.

where’s the booty tooch?!?

Tila Tequila

Tila Tequila, known for being a slutty vixen trying to find true love, attempted singing. Her voice, which sounds forced, leaves the ears wanting to bleed out instead of listen to one more second. I am not alone in this since rocks and feces were flung at her at an Insane Clown Pose concert.

I didn’t know ANTZ had a slutty soundtrack?!?

To conclude, all of you reality stars should stick to what you know best and that is crying, fighting, divorcing, and being over the top ridiculous.

Distasteful Choices

The sun is beginning to set; the streets are beginning to fill with people going out on a Friday night. This not only calls those yearning to have a fun night, but those looking to have a fun night, if you catch my drift. What I want to talk about is those girls who go to clubs and dress completely unfashionably and slutty. Yes, SLUTTY there is no other word for it.  Basically they dress like this:

Oh the sweet irony that Jerseylicious airs on the STYLE network. First off, do not follow ANY and I mean ANY of these “style” tips unless you want to end up looking like a cast member of Jersey Shore.

I bathe in pickle juice

The outfits that some of you girls wear are ridiculous. They either expose your body by having cut-out or lace or sometimes sadly both. This might not be bad if you are sending that I really wanna get some vibe or just like looking creepy. Here is a perfect example:

Does it come in a size 24?

The other thing is that it wouldn’t be such a crime, but most of the girls who chose to wear clothes like this have their fat bulging out of the openings. Nothing against the BBW’s of the world, but clothes are meant to be flattering, so even if it is your “size”, be conscious of your body and please do not allow others to see your indecency.

What you really look like...

Another pet peeve of mine is seeing a girl in ugly prints. Yes, prints can be fun and flirty when done correctly, but some prints are meant to be burned.

Combines all the efforts of a leopard on the prowl and a garden?

I know protection is important. I do endorse the use of condoms and other contraception, but wearing it may not provide you with a lot of protection. Those dresses that look like they are made of rubber, or condoms, are not very attractive.

20,000 condoms died to make this dress

To finish it off, I want to talk about the girls who wear bright or metallic colors. Yes, it is bright. Yes, it attracts attention. No, it doesn’t look good. You look like you are trying to be fancy, but honestly half the time you just look plain old ghetto. 

I hear metallic blue is in this winter

cut- out, leopard and metallic…must be fashionable… -___-

So remember ladies, if you look like you are going to be in the background of a Jersey Shore episode you are better off burning that outfit. And if you are trying to attract the right kind of man, if you can find that at a club, it surely won't be with those outfits.

R&B Female Artists gone Dance/Electronica

1. Kelis
Kelis used to shake her milkshake and all the boys came to the yard.

Brings all the boys to the yard....

For her last CD in 2010 she changed into a different sound leaving her Bossy attitude behind and bringing forth a more relaxed sound. Oddly enough her new sound is not bad at all and kind of catchy.

 

Her collaboration with Scottish DJ Calvin Harris

2. Kelly Rowland

Destiny’s Child backup singer, Kelly Rowland, whether she likes it or not Beyonce was the true star us, used to be an afterthought.

Who is front and center?? BEYONCE

She had many attempts for a music career only having one hit wonders. She became more prevalent and heard when she teamed up with French DJ David Guetta. The results were addicting hits.

3. Nicki Minaj

Known for her wild antics and insane fashion, Nicki Minaj is one energetic powerhouse that came with hit after hit after hit in the last year. 

It's BARBIE BITCHES

Her debut album Pink Friday was a ghetto work of art in my opinion. When Nicki Minaj teamed up with David Guetta, she sounded odd, almost normal. It doesn’t sound bad but it is a true transformation for Nicki Minaj. Though I have to say this song is catchy and it still gives a glimpse of Nicki Minaj, the rapper. Her first collaboration with David Guetta and Flo Rida was more BARBIE, which is more signature Nicki.

Celebrities that look like animals

I have noticed that a lot of celebrities or shall I say reality personalities look like certain animals. I don't know why but I always notice these things especially in Bravo's Real Housewives shows. Some of these have been pointed out on other blogs and pages such as: Sarah Jessica Parker Looks Like A Horse, Wonderwall, Totally Looks Like.  But before any reality stars I have to make an homage to the inspiration of all animal-human look-alike comparisons poor SJP that looks like a distraught horse.

Nayyyyyy!

After the queen of animal look a-likes, we have the always "classy" Tila Tequila. Her resemblance tends to take more that of an ant especially from the 3D animation movie Antz.

Only one of them can lift a lot of weight....

As I said watching the RHOBH on Bravo, I noticed that Adrienne Maloof looks like a lion. She takes fierce to a whole new level. 

 Adrienne at least is an amazing person, but following in her reality show footsteps is Kim Richard's man, Ken Blumenfeld who looks like the antagonist dinosaur from the 3D movie Dinosaur. He not only takes on the appearance of a dinosaur, but the attitude of an old worn out creepy T-Rex.

sniffed poop face

From RHOA, Phaedra Parks, future funeral director will truly have the dead swimming with the fishes. If you haven't guessed it with that sentence, then let me make it clear-- she looks like a fish. Especially like the one from Shark-Tale the 3D animation movie.

Well I think that is enough comparison for one day. Thanks for stopping on by if you have any questions or comments on the blog just comment below.